The Scatterday Matriarchy 5.5: He Remembered His Pants

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Welcome back to the Scatterday Matriarchy! I’m really pushing myself to post as many updates as possible thanks to Boolprop’s SimNaWriMo event, so here’s some more wackiness. Last time Hector aged into a child, Elaine aged into a toddler, Callie went clubbing with Frankie, Heimrich was still stuck with all the childcare, and Natalie and Puzzle had some crazy Woohoo and produced a third offspring, another daughter named Mabel.

This time we’ll start things off with a nice promotion for Puzzle! She so desperately wanted to be promoted, so hopefully this will satsify her – Ambitious Sims, am I right?

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Anyway, the kids are…WHAT THE HELL, HEIMRICH, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PANTS?!

“Pants? I knew I, uh, forgot something this morning.”

Put down Elaine! This is obscene!

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Sadly, this isn’t just between me and Heimrich (and Elaine, who will hopefully repress this) because the family’s maid walked in to mop up Nat’s pee puddle. We are a classy bunch here at Chez Scatterday.

“Oh! Mr. Scatterday I…uh….”

“Perhaps you should, uh, stop staring, Miss.”

“It…it looks like a wrinkly bouquet.”

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And then of course she does this, because Heimrich is a Celebrity after all.

I really hope the tabloid readers of Bridgeport like looking at old man dong, because are they ever in for an eyeful.

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Let’s move on to some more wholesome family activities, that don’t involve naked old men being near toddlers. (This post has put me on a list somewhere, hasn’t it?)

“Mama, what do you know about fairies? I need to do a book report on them for school.”

“Well, I did write a guide about, uh, how fairies make babies…”

“Oooh! Can I read that?”

NO DO NOT GIVE YOUR YOUNG SON AN OCCULT WOOHOO GUIDE.

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Oh good, maybe this will be more appropriate for the wee ones.

“Can you say ‘beefcake’ Elaine? Beeeeeeeeeef – caaaaaaaaaaake.”

I guess not. Why are my Sims so perverted?!

(I know, I know, it’s all my fault.)

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Oh great – thanks to the maid’s pictures, now Heimrich has adoring fans showing up at the family’s doorstep.

“Don’t worry little one – Mama is going to see that handsome Mr. Scatterday! Then he’ll seduce me, and we’ll have money to buy food, ’cause he’s so rich and all!”

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I really, really wish she was joking. This pop-up indicates that she has only one reason for showing up at the legacy house late at night.

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“Oh, Mr. Scatterday! I love your intimate photographs! And you’re clearly a family man too. Do you have any advice for a poor single mama? Especially sexy advice?”

“Ma’am, trust me, I think we’d both enjoy a good Woohoo session together, but I’m going to have to ask you and your child to leave now.”

“But I need to buy food and…”

“Do you want me to get my wife out here? She might have some prop knives hanging around that she’d love to, uh, bust out.”

“I’ll leave!”

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Heimrich wasn’t kidding about the knives. Callie’s been writing an episode guide for this old knife fight show that was super popular in Riverview, and she did manage to get her hands on some of the actual knives used during filming.

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Wait, Elaine’s going to be a toddler already? CRAP. I need to do some serious toddler skilling – Heimrich’s nudity distracted me! D:

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Heimrich has wisely been avoiding the nursery since the pants-free incident. Luckily, Family-Oriented Puzzle doesn’t mind stepping up.

“Aww, there’s a good little Mabel! Elaine, sweetie, do you like your dinner?”

“Mushy!”

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Natalie took over toddler duties, as Puzzle had to get some sleep before work. Yes, the toddler is awake super late night. Yes, my Sims have an even worse sleep schedule than I do, and I work the night shift.

“And why do the flies live in the garbage?”

“Stinky!”

“That’s right! Decomposition! Or stinky, you can learn bigger words when you’re bigger!”

I swear the Scatterdays discuss garbage in detail every chance they get.

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“Oh, Elaine is learning about garbage! I’m so pleased that Natalie’s keeping our family traditions alive! Really brings a tear to my eye…”

Well, I suppose in terms of family traditions, it’s not the worst thing in the world. At least everyone is wearing pants!

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Hector continues another tradition – making honour roll!

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And soon enough, Elaine is due to age up. We just managed to finish her toddler skills, too!

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I’ll miss toddler Elaine – look how cute she is! I’m excited to see what she looks like as she ages though.

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Here’s child Elaine, looking worried in her underoos. She’s still very cute, and I’m seeing a lot of Nat in her face! Her new trait is Ambitious, just like Mama Puzzle.

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I don’t know why Nat wants to send all her spawn away to boarding school, but it’s not happening. Especially not to a potential heiress!

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Speaking of Mama Puzzle, it seems like work isn’t going as well as she planned.

“Ugh, better get this over with!”

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“When my boss said he wanted me to dig up some dirt for a story, this is not what I had in mind!

Aww, come on Puzzle, it can’t be that bad!

“…well, there is a lot of neat stuff in here…”

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She’s right about that! We’re selling both of those. Who throws away a giant hunk of turquoise?!

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Now that she can actually go outdoors, Elaine takes every opportunity to play outside on the family’s jungle gym.

“Wow, what a beautiful morning! I can see clear to the other side of Bridgeport!”

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She also takes a fishing class, fulfilling one of her first wishes.

“Fascinating! I need to try catching my own fish someday…”

Also, gaze upon Elaine’s everyday clothes and how my shitty graphics card won’t properly render her hair from a distance. -_-

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Anyway, Mabel is due to age up tonight, so it’s time for an impromptu birthday party! Manfred gets things started by hitting the bar.

“Pfffft. Who only has a fully stocked bar for a baby’s birthday party? Nat should have gotten TWO fully stocked bars!”

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Luckily, Nat’s busy trying to make Mario Striker here one of her best friends, all for those sweet, sweet Celebrity points. She’s almost at Celebrity Level 4!

“Now, Mario, I’m really going to need to get your opinions on music if we’re going to be best friends. Now…Miley Cyrus, yay or nay?”

“Uh….nay for the Disney days, yay for her current partying days?”

“Yes, good answer!”

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Everyone else made their way to a basement for a jam session. And by jam session I mean Mitchell butchering “Wonderwall” on the guitar while everyone tries to ignore him.

“I SAID MAAAAAYYYYYBAYYYYYY….”

“Ma? Hiding any good booze down here?”

“No, go away, Manfred. Now Caroline, where were we…”

“YOU’RE GONNA BAY THE ONE THAT SAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYVESSSSS MEEEHHHHHHHH…”

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I’m not sure if torturing the poor guitar is better or worse than serious discussion regarding Miley Cyrus’ career, but Nat and Mario seem to have made their decision.

“I mean, I’m all in favour of coming in like a Wrecking Ball! But…but was the twerking on Robin Thicke really necessary?”

“Well, can we even call that twerking, Nat? I mean, she just kind of…vibrated, you know?”

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Baby on floor usually means either a) toddler time or b) bad parenting time. Tonight, it means toddler time!

Poor Mabel is an outcast at her own birthday party. I even forgot a cake for her! Remember that medal I got for getting Hector a cake last time? Yeah, take it away.

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Awww! Toddler Mabel is adorable! Looks like she’s got Puzzle’s hair, Nat’s eye shape and purple colour (I HATE PURPLE EYES NOW), and what looks to be the start of Puzzle’s pointy Face 1 chin.

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Because he remembered his pants today, Heimrich gets the honour of giving Mabel her first high chair meal!

“Here you go, little sweetheart. Extra special mush for my extra special girl!”

Dislikes children my ass. He secretly loves all of them!

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The party winded down and was considered to be a good time by all who attended. Natalie and Callie celebrated by eating some leftover spaghetti.

“Mmm, good party, eh Mom? Thanks for being cool with everyone coming over!”

“Aww, anytime Natalie! I always need to discuss my various nanobot theories with someone. It just feels like we were missing something…”

Cake? The birthday girl? I’M TERRIBLE AT THIS.

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AWW LOOK! I remembered to put a toy box in the nursery, and Mabel crawled right inside! I know this is a cliché Sims 3 picture by now, BUT IT’S SO CUTE AND I’VE NEVER CAUGHT IT ON CAMERA BEFORE!

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Hector is also having a birthday today, because every day needs to be a birthday here. He’s already going to be a teenager!

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Ah, looks like Puzzle gets the fun job of explaining Woohoo mechanics to Elaine.

“….then a few days later the mommy has the baby while the daddy jumps around yelling and being useless. Would you like to hear how you were made with two mommies?”

“Uh…no thank you, Mama.”

“Well….want to hear about how fairies have babies?”

“Uh, no, I don’t want to learn anything else…can I have some juice?”

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“Hmph! Why are you so upset about this? It’s just Woohoo! Imagine if we were fish and we had to spawn in ponds! Would you like that?”

“Yeah, I love fish, Mama! And I already know all about how they lay eggs and spawn. Can I drink my juice then go catch some bugs?”

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That’s exactly how Elaine spent her afternoon, thanks to an Opportunity to bring some bugs and fish to the Science Centre.

“Hello, little friend! Want to meet some of my scientist friends? They’d really like you!”

Also, as you can see in the background, Bridgeport’s Pigtail Epidemic is still in full swing, though it only seems to be affecting women today.

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After catching a few buggy friends, Elaine set out to catch some fishy friends.

“Here fish! I promise I’ll get you a bucket and that I won’t eat you so we can be friends forever!”

Why do I feel like this will end in disaster?

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“Okay…I’ll just finish this drink…and then that leftover drink….and then I can play blocks with Mabel.”

Hmm, maybe I was wrong about Heimrich being okay with watching his grandchildren. Maybe it’s best that we only have one bar at the house…

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Thankfully Natalie has toddler training under control, so Heimrich can drink to his heart’s content.

“Goooooo Mabel! You can potty! Do the potty!”

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After potty training, more learning how to talk!

“Okay, Mabel, I don’t want to alarm you honey, but there is a creepy teddy right behind you! Can you say ‘teddy’ for Mommy?”

Way to frighten your kid into speaking to you, Nat.

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Anyway, Heimrich drank all the booze in the house, then he got to Woohoo Callie.

At least I hope it’s the two of them under there. It is their bedroom, but I wouldn’t put it past Nat and Puzzle to do something completely perverted like Woohooing in Nat’s parents’ bed.

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Palate cleanser time! A very dapper little Hector is becoming a teenager!

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“I…don’t….know…if…I…like…this…”

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I forgot to get a silly pre-makeover picture of Hector, but here he is post-makeover! Kind of a sweet dork, and he’s starting to really look like Natalie! Other than his eye colour, I don’t see any Puzzle in him at all!

Hector rolled Handy for his new trait.

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Poor Puzzle missed Hector’s birthday, because she went to cover a sports event for a work Opportunity, and it glitched out. She was stuck there all night, watching the players warm up, with nothing else happening. That progress bar was stuck for hours!

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Poor dear passed out immediately after I finally got her out of that hell stadium.

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As a new day dawns, and her Mama is passed out on the ground downtown, Elaine starts her day off with some undersea exploration.

“Ooooh, what a huge coral reef! And look, some friendly sharks! Hello sharks! Don’t eat me, ’cause I’m not delicious…”

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She follows it up with getting to know her big brother a little better.

“Now Hector, I know you really, really, really like Violet, but it’s so not cool! Lilac is where it’s at!”

“Oh really? Want to tell me why, Elaine?”

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“Uh, hello, have you ever seen Lilac? It’s like, the best! And our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma loved it too!”

“I think you added a few ‘greats’ there, Elaine. Grandma Ainsley is only our great-great-great grandmother.”

“Whatever! She was super old and she loved Lilac, and you should too Hec!”

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If you thought Puzzle managed to pass out without consequences well…you’d be wrong.

“Hello? Oh! Hello Jack, from the Bridgeport Enquirer. You know, my boss has been meaning to discuss a new position over at the Star with us and….what? Yeah, I did stay out at a hockey game all night then pass out at the arena, why do you ask?”

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OH GODDAMNIT

Well, at least this rumour is based in truth. I don’t think we can fight this one, so poor Puzzle will have to lay low for a while.

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“Aww, being publicly disgraced isn’t all that bad, Puzz. At least you can stay here and hang out in the hot tub with me for a few days!”

“That is so true! I’ll be fine as long as I have my beautiful wife by my side.”

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“Aww Puzz, get over here and give me a kiss!”

“Gladly! Why don’t you give me a bit more than a kiss, hmm?”

“Oh, with pleasure!”

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….and that is how Nat and Puzz discovered the joys of hot tub Woohoo.

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“Oh, I miss sitting in the hot tub with my Heimie! This regular tub is so boring!”

I would wait a little bit before heading out…and maybe give it a good cleaning too, if ya know what I mean.

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Heimrich may be old and retired and slowly slipping into senility, but the man still pumps a mean iron.

“Just…two…more…sets…then legs….”

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Oh dear. It looks like Nat swallowed some hot tub water and got sick.

“Ugh….we need some more chlorine for that thing! Romantic my ass – that shit’s a death trap!”

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According to MasterController, Mabel is an Imaginary Friend. Despite this, she received her own Imaginary Friend doll in the mail. IMAGINARY FRIEND-CEPTION.

I’m seriously considering turning IFs off for next generation. We already married in one; we don’t need any others, thank you very much.

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“Aww, put down that doll! You’re cute than Mommy! You don’t need any stinkin’ Imaginary Friends, unlike me!”

Don’t make me sad, Nat.  😦

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Mabel is definitely a cute toddler – Nat was right about that, at least! Let us enjoy some toddler-on-xylophone spam.

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Aww, toddler! Cute! And so on.  🙂

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With kids as cute as this, is it any surprise that Puzzle wants two more of them?

We may just go for this. For heir poll purposes, of course.

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Oooh, Callie’s in the mood for waffles, it seems.

“Oh, they’re not for the family! They’re to bribe my critics!”

Your critics?

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I….wow. She did it! SHE DID IT. Callie FINALLY accomplished her LTW! Huzzah!

Clearly the waffles helped. YEAH GURL.

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Not to be outdone by her mother-in-law, Puzzle also wins an award and get promoted!

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…and it looks like baby #4 is on the way for Nat and Puzz!

“Hello, little bean. Here’s a tip from Mommy: don’t swallow hot tub water. Blech.”

Before we call it quits, let’s see what’s happening around Bridgeport.

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Deangelo doesn’t pop up too much, but this time he’s earned himself a promotion at work!

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Looks like his dad isn’t in the best of shape though. I guess Matthew and Frankie broke up? Or they were just Woohooing? Who knows! Frankie is such an odd duck.

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Mitchell, however…all he does is pop up! The man is constantly spawning, or getting promoted, or whatnot. I don’t know how he does it!

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GOOD CLEAN THAT HUMAN WASTE, I STILL HATE YOU FOR GLITCHING OUT

That’s it for this round of the Scatterday Matriarchy! Thanks for reading, and happy Simming!

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